Coming Home
And nothing again would be casual or small, but everything with light invested.
Father John Duffy, A Prayer for the Annunciation
I started writing this journal during my discernment journey, the step-by-step pilgrim way of joining the Catholic Church. It began as a collection of reflections. I was exploring many things, all at once: the lives of the saints, the writings of theologians, online resources such as the Word on Fire Institute and the Coming Home Network. I was listening to podcasts, such as Abiding Together, Burrowshire, and Ascension Press Media. I also started praying the Rosary and the daily Book of Hours. I was completely disorganized in my approach and my journal reflects this; it is not linear, nor does it build upon a theme. But I think this also reflects the nature of my journey overall.
There was no single, great epiphany but rather a thousand tugs at a thread. I was guided by God’s ‘invisible string’ all along. G.K. Chesterton’s wonderful character Father Brown described it perfectly, how God works in our lives, often in secret. I was an incorrigible wanderer all my life, when it came to exploring the big questions: the meaning of life, the universe, and everything. I read hundreds of books, searching for explanations, for clarity, for a bird’s eye view. I was lost in a maze of mirrors.
Father Brown explains how he caught a repentant thief:
“I caught him, with an unseen hook and an invisible line which is long enough to let him wander to the ends of the world, and still to bring him back with a twitch upon the thread.”
I was first led by the aesthetic beauty of the Church, the art and poetry and music; then by the awesome depth of its teachings and theology, including the writings of the Church Fathers; then by the saints who, even now, speak to us from across space and time, give us courage, and lift up our hearts to where they reside, in heaven; and finally by the Bible itself - swiftly followed by the dumbstruck realization that I should have begun there in the first place!
God has his plan and nothing and no one will thwart it. I liken it to a tapestry, with one side a confused jumble of tangled threads, and the other a beautiful and complete vision. God sees the latter, while we shamble and blunder through the former.
We are led home by Our Father, who forever has us in His sight. Every dream, every disappointment, every hope, every fear. We are, at last and forever, children. The glow of Christ’s lamp leads us home. The pathway is set before us. But, in our freedom, we must take that first step.
Reference: “The Queer Feet,” by G. K. Chesterton
Top Image: Original photograph by Dariusz Sankowski, Unsplash; additional artwork by Juliette Pierce Kent
