A Humble Heart
Drawing nearer to God, in prayer and through the sacraments, means being transformed; which means letting go of the old ideas of self-will, self-creation, and self-determination: everything I was taught to live out, for a promisingly abundant and meaningful life! But those are the ways of the world and I must be created anew in Christ. But how? Jesus tells us that unless we are converted, reshaped and remolded, and become as little children, we cannot enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. (Matthew 18:3)
I have often prayed that my heart becomes like softened wax, so that God may imprint his messages onto the most pliant part of myself, where my mind can’t meddle with its countless questions, that inevitably end up causing more confusion than clarity. I have sensed that so much of what God does for us is in secret, knowing as He does the secrets of our hearts. When, in Psalm 37:4, the psalmist writes, Delight thyself in the Lord and He shall give thee the desires of thy heart, I can’t help but think that some of those deepest desires of mine are hidden from me, or contrary to what I can imagine; and I am more like a little child, whose mother and father know far better what is true and good; and what is best for her, what will make her happy and keep her safe. The eternal Father sees us throughout all eternity, he knows every step of our journey through life, what we desire, and what we need for eternal life with Him.
To be a child of God I must humbly trust. Trust acknowledges my complete poverty and need, and becomes the meeting place between earth and heaven. Trust becomes a space, a quiet cloister, in which to wait and listen for the Lord’s footsteps, His knock at the door. Which always brings me back to faith: seeing in the dark the things of God, and receiving the gifts He wants to give me, even when I don’t understand. Humility softens the heart and makes it truly receptive, makes it ‘good ground’ for planting. Father Jacques Philippe writes that “the heart of Christian life is to receive and welcome God’s tenderness, the revelation of his merciful love, and to let oneself be transformed interiorly by that love.” There is something profoundly secret, wondrously mysterious, in the heart of things that grow. I must humbly trust in this growth, this gift of God’s grace.
